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The Vatican Would Prefer Twilight Choose “Team Jesus”

Twilight fans, if you thought the critics have condemned New Moon in their reviews … The Roman Catholic Church has a message for all of you rushing out to see the latest exploits of a droopy teenage girl trying to decide whether or not her existence is validated by a depressed sparkling vampire or an underwear model werewolf: You’re going to Hell!

Monsignor Franco Perazzolo, of the Pontifical Council of Culture, has gone on the record saying the following about the obsession of every teenage girl and desperate housewife:

“The theme of vampires in ‘Twilight’ combines a mixture of excesses that as ever is aimed at young people and gives a heavy esoteric element. It is once again that age-old trick or ideal formula of using extremes to make an impact at the box office. This film is nothing more than a moral vacuum with a deviant message, and as such should be of concern.”

Deviant message? But isn’t the whole reason for The Twilight Saga‘s existence to serve as a pro-abstinence parable as written by a Mormon?

And right now two thirds of the teenage girls reading this are scratching their heads wondering what this word “esoteric” means.

I suppose one should not be too shocked to hear such a condemnation coming from the Catholic Church at a time when the current Pope is an old fuddy duddy who still thinks rock ‘n roll is the devil’s music.

I asked my teenage niece the other day what if New Moon turns out to not be any good. Her adamant response? “It’ll be good. Even if it’s not good, it’ll be good.” She already has tickets to see it twice; once on Friday and again on Saturday.

Sorry, Vatican, but it looks like “Team Satan” wins this round.

The Vatican Would Prefer Twilight Choose Team Jesus

The Foywonder

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Foywonder

  • Cinemascribe

    I’m with Uncle Creepy here. I just wanted to comment on how sweee-eeeet that pic of Blade getting ready to kick some sparkling vampiric ass is.

    On a somewhat related note: Does anyone else think it would be really rewarding if the Lost Boys showed up and just beat the living hell out of the vampires in Twilight? I can see Sutherland’s character stiff arming the Cullen kid and then curb checking him back to eternity before showing Bella how much fun an undead stalker can REALLY be.

  • Floydian Trip

    Architectually speaking the Vatican is pretty impressive as is all the amazing artwork and sculptures. On a religious level I’m sure as hell not going to pay attention to an organization that harbors criminals.

  • Caterpillar

    Maybe they should focus on more important problems like keeping their priests’ genitals away from little children.

  • Rob

    Didn’t the Vatican also say Angels and Demons was ‘harmless entertainment’?

  • Uncle Creepy

    Go, Blade, Go!!!!!