Pet Sematary Director Developing a Case of Hydrophobia

Pet Sematary Director Developing a Case of HydrophobiaDirector Mary Lambert is leaving the Pet Sematary behind in lieu of some more oceanographic terrors. Seems she has developed a serious case of Hydrophobia, the title of a new chiller about a killer mermaid that can only be stopped by a man afraid of water. Think of it as the anti-Splash.

I hadn’t heard anything about Hydrophobia until stumbling upon a blurb about it on Moviehole. They were reporting that Wolf Creek star Nathan Philips is rumored to be joining the cast opposite Bai Ling, who it seems will be playing the killer mermaid. Bai Ling as a murderous man-eating mermaid; I can totally see that. I can totally see that even without the mermaid aspect.

Scouring the Internet for further information, I ran across the film’s MySpace page and the website of cinematographer Michael Karp, who I can only presume must be attached to the project since he has some Photoshopped promo art (also proclaiming the film will be in 3D)and what appears to be a fairly detailed synopsis describing the film’s plot:

“NICK BIGMAN has a problem. He comes from a long line of surfers; his father was an amateur surfer, his grandfather ROD BIGMAN a surf champion who appeared in 1960’s beach movies like Beach Bongo. Unfortunately, Nick suffers from Hydrophobia, an anxiety disorder that plagues many Americans who suffer from this extreme fear of the water. Nick can’t go near any body of water without breaking into a sweat. If he’s tossed in the ocean or a pool by a bunch of pranksters, he immediately goes into a panic attack. Those who suffer from Hydrophobia have been known to drown in a shallow body of water they could have easily stood up and walked away from, the anxiety’s that intense.

‘Hydrophobia’ revolves around the ghost of 60’s beach movie starlet KAREN SLATER. When Karen’s controlling Hollywood agent DON BULASKY finds out about her love affair with her BEACH BONGO co-star, ROD BIGMAN (Nick’s grandfather), her agent drowns her in a jealous rage. Overcome with grief DON seeks out the help of a local Jamaican witch doctor to bring his favorite beach movie starlet back to life.

There’s only one problem. While what comes back resembles the beautiful Karen Slater, in voodoo mythology if a person dies a violent death, his or her soul returns as evil incarnate. In Karen’s case, she’s become a flesh-eating astral zombie residing in the pool of her old abandoned Malibu Beach house. Every spring Karen needs to feed on twelve poor souls so she can exist on this earthly plane for another year. And because she’s an astral zombie, Karen can materialize anywhere in the house or pool area where there’s water!

With the help of her keeper, Hollywood agent Bulasky, Karen lures a pair of college kids, who of course decide to throw a huge spring break pool party at her Malibu beach house! Being spring, it’s feeding time again! To complicate matters, the protagonist, Nick, has a fear of the water so if he notices strange occurrences or claims to see weird stuff going on during the mayhem of the pool party, no one’s going to believe him.

As the partygoers are knocked off one by one, Nick and his fun-loving dorm buddy DARYL don’t realize what’s going on – they’re too preoccupied with getting laid! But when the girls (ALEX & CINDY) that Nick & Daryl have their eyes on fall prey to Karen as they wade in the pool, Nick is forced to confront both his Hydrophobia and this flesh-eating creature who was once Karen Slater, the sexy 60’s beach movie starlet Nick’s idolized for years. As Nick’s friends are about to find out in ‘Hydrophobia’, it’s time to be afraid of the water … again!”

Sounds kooky enough. My only question: Bai Ling is going to play a 1960’s actress named Karen Slater?

The posting goes on to describe the monstrous mermaid herself as a Species-like movie monster, “a sexy femme fatale who lures both men and women into the pool, appearing as a sexy vixen at first who then morphs into an Alien-like creature with razor-sharp piranha teeth capable of opening her mouth as wide as a python to bite a man’s head off!”

Definitely expect us to keep you posted on further Hydrophobia developments.

The Foywonder

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  • DavidFullam

    The opening paragraph had me laughing my ass off. But wow, the plot synopsis. This sounds classic bad.

  • The Woman In Black

    OMG — This has so-bad-it’s-good written all over it!

  • Avid Fan

    That’s one of the worst images for a promo ever. Wow!