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NSFW: The Ultimate Twilight Collectible? Ladies … Meet The Vamp

NSFW: The Ultimate Twilight Collectible? Ladies ... Meet The Vamp!Every now and then a story comes across our desks that sends up a tiny voice balloon with the letters “WTF” floating lovingly over our heads. This is just such a moment. Since we’ve covered pretty much everything having to do with The Twilight Saga, it’s our journalistic duty to report on — The Vamp.

What is The Vamp, you ask? Let’s just put it this way … It can go great in any female’s (or sometimes male’s) moons both new and/or otherwise, and it actually sparkles in the sunlight!

From the hilarious product description:
JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN! Who doesn’t love those dark and mysterious vamps on the screen and in the books we all thumb through lustfully? That’s what we thought. For those of us who fantasize about being spellbound and tantalized by the forbidden comes The Vamp. We promise this vamp won’t be the only thing coming for you in the night.

Still not getting the picture? Check out the official Tantus Direct website for pictures, ordering info, and more.

If we all listen closely, we can hear the sounds of young chicks and cougars busting out their credit cards and squealing with anticipation. You just can’t make this shit up sometimes!

Uncle Creepy

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Steve Barton

You're such an inspiration for the ways that I will never, ever choose to be.

  • Nathanial

    We can hear the sounds of young chicks and cougars busting out their credit cards and squealing with anticipation.

  • Chainsaw

    Ahem…

    BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

    Teenage Vampire Cock…awesome.

    • Uncle Creepy

      Co-ERECT-tion! Sparkling Teenage Vampire Cock.

  • Tristan Sinns

    Woooooooooooooooow.

    Now they just need to mold the head to look like the various actors in the film.

    Eyup.

  • LSD Zombie

    Imagine a parent finding that in their daughter’s dresser drawer….yeesh!

    • The Woman In Black

      Or a daughter finding it in her mom’s? Double yeesh!

      • Mr. Dark

        You just ensured there will be dozens of bad fanfics based off that concept, thanks Deb.

        Mr. Dark
        Part-Time Dread Central Gaming Guy
        Full-Time Freelance Smartass

  • Mr. Gray

    Welp, my Christmas shopping’s finished.

  • BoggyCreekBeast

    The end of the world as we know it has begun…

    • Uncle Creepy

      Indeed! It is friggin’ funny though and somewhat genius. I bet you these cats make BANK!