The Ex-Girlfriend’s Horror Guide to Breakups
Nicole Bird
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Breakups suck. That’s a fact you realize when you’re sitting on your couch, replaying moments from your relationships – good moments that make you cry, horrible moments that make you angry – and you cycle through the stages of grief until you feel better.
A relationship ends, and now there’s a void in your heart and life. You slide into a depression, food doesn’t taste good, and all you want to do is sit around, staring at the wall, remembering your relationship.
But herein lies a guide – a list of horror movies and television shows you can watch to get through the days. It’s for those first days when you’re sitting on your couch in your sweatpants and for those weeks that follow when the sadness has subsided and anger, hurt, and regret flood your mind and you remember those moments you ignored while in the relationship. Lastly, the list ends with a couple of scary gems that will make you hopeful for love while still getting your horror kicks.
I’ve compiled this list from personal experience so I’m with you, my downtrodden ones, and these movies and TV shows have helped pull me from the relationship-ending bell jar.
For my own purposes, I’ve included some mysteries and thrillers because they have horror elements while layering on interpersonal terror to remind you why, sometimes, it’s better to be single.
Let’s begin, brokenhearted horror-philes:
- “Pretty Little Liars” (2010 – )
This is the show to binge when you’re on the couch in your sweatpants. Trust me, you’ll get lost in this horror/mystery/thriller hybrid YA show (all 5 seasons are on Netflix!) about 4 friends whose lives are rattled when one of their best friends is murdered. Since it is a teen show, there are plenty of soapy elements to snare in your inner teenager, cute boys (who are all pretty cool, so it helps with your initial disrespect of men immediately following a breakup.) And the best part is watching these 4 friends become de-facto private investigators as they try to solve the mystery of Alison’s murder, all the while avoiding a mysterious figure (named “A”) and the horrifying occurrences that seem to threaten their lives with every turn! As a bonus, there are a TON of Hitchcock references. Have fun finding the Hitchcock Easter eggs, horror fans! Ignore those texts from your ex, binge watch, and enjoy.
- Rosemary’s Baby (1968)
Ah, Rosemary’s Baby. A horror classic and the best movie to watch when you’re in your sweatpants phase. You’re sad. You want to text or call them or Facebook stalk them, but instead of doing any of those toxic things, consult Netflix and search for Rosemary’s Baby. The film follows Rosemary, a nice, beautiful, dutiful wife played by Mia Farrow. All Rosemary wants is to have a baby with her ineffectual husband, Guy, but she can’t seem to get pregnant. Guy’s a struggling actor who soon discovers their neighbors are Satanists and they said they can give him success. There’s just one hitch: He needs to pimp out his wife to the devil so she can bear the devil’s spawn….yes, you read that right. Whenever you want to call your ex that did you wrong, pop on Rosemary’s Baby and you’ll remember why, sometimes, it’s way better to be single than in bad company.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PewtQsgN5uo
- Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Here’s one of the mystery/thriller hybrids that I think works for this list. Clarice Starling is a student at the FBI academy and she gets called for a big case, one being supervised by her teacher (and she’s harboring a serious crush on him). Clarice goes out on the case to find a serial killer named Buffalo Bill before he murders a prominent senator’s daughter. Along the way, Clarice thwarts the sexual advances of many men who objectify her and try to take her power. Instead of being diminished by it, Clarice stands tall and bests them; she proves she’s better, smarter, quicker, even if she’s still a student and (usually) the only woman in the room, surrounded by powerful men. What better to watch when you’re low? So, when you’re crying, feeling powerless, watch Clarice win the day and come back to life.
- Scream (1996)
A slasher film, classic horror and one of my personal favorites. I could watch it any day, but after a breakup, it’s especially helpful. Sydney Prescott, a 17-year-old girl plagued with the trauma from her mother’s murder a year earlier, is thrown into a masked killer’s horrifying game. He murders her friends one by one, and she discovers (SPOILER ALERT) she can’t trust her boyfriend. Feel like going back to him? Maybe you’re remembering some shady moments where you felt like you couldn’t trust him? Watch this slasher classic and you’ll trust your gut and put down the phone before texting him.
- “Broadchurch” (2013 – )
Another TV show and a mystery/thriller/horror hybrid on the list. The first season follows the effects a young boy’s murder has on a small coastal town in the UK. An amazing work of writing, direction, cinematography, acting – all around a great show. The show highlights the inherent shadiness of everyday people and will validate those emotions of no longer trusting someone. You know that one guy you got a shady vibe off of? Yeah, trust your gut; stay home and watch “Broadchurch” instead.
