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Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus vs. Lorenzo Lamas vs. Debbie Gibson in 3D

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus vs. Lorenzo Lamas vs. Debbie Gibson in 3D (click for larger image)With 3D being the latest cinematic craze it only figures The Asylum would get in on the act and, let’s face it, we all knew sooner of later we’d have to deal with the possibility of Lorenzo Lamas projecting himself out of our television sets right into our living room. We’ll get both and a former 80’s teen pop sensation too in Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. May God have mercy on our souls.

Filming has just begun on Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, a non-mockbuster blockbuster from our friends at The Asylum that’s being shot in 3-D. The writer-director of this epic 3-D smackdown between macro-sized undersea predators is Ace Hannah AKA Jack Perez, the maker of MTV’s Monster Island and The Asylum’s 666: The Child. Not sure why he’s using the “Ace Hannah” moniker but I am sure “Ace Hannah” sounds like it should be the name of Lorenzo Lamas’ character.

Yep! This epic battle between colossal carcharodon and super-sized cephalopod off the coast of California will star none other than the man, the myth, the legend – Lorenzo Lamas. He’s no novice when it comes to killer sharks having starred in the Sci-Fi Channel’s Dark Waters. He’s a sophomore when it comes to starring in Asylum productions; you may or may not remember him as the star of their 30,000 Leagues Under The Sea. This film should mark the first time in ages Lorenzo Lamas has given a fully three-dimensional acting performance. ZING~!

Joining in the ominous oceanic action will be one Deborah Gibson. You remember Debbie Gibson, the late Eighties teen pop tart who sang such timeless hits as “Electric Youth”, “Only in My Dreams”, and “Shake Your Love”? In recent years she started calling herself ‘Deborah’, posed in Playboy, starred on Broadway, and now finds herself alongside Lorenzo Lamas in a 3D Asylum production about a really big shark battling an equally big octopus. That is the American dream personified right there; is it not?

You too will get a chance to live the American dream when you bear witness to the monumental 3-D tooth vs. tentacle naval warfare that will be Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus when it washes ashore to DVD shelves on May 19th, 2009. Mark you calendars. NOW!

I’ve been writing about The Asylum for years and most of it hasn’t been pretty. This time … This time I’m not going to get negative (at least not until I’ve seen it for myself and get my heart broken). I want to see Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. I want Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus to be fun, not another stinker like Supercroc or Alien vs. Hunter or a nothing-happening crapfest like Monster. I want to be entertained. I honestly, truly, genuinely want to see The Asylum succeed with this one. And I think they can do it too if they put some effort into it.

Know what else I want? I want a screener copy. How much money out of my own pocket have I spent renting Asylum films? How much time out of my own life have I spent watching and writing about Asylum movies? I want an advance screener of Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus in 3-D when it becomes available. I know somebody at The Asylum is reading this. I want to be sent a preview copy of this one. I don’t think that’s asking too much. And not like the last time you guys sent me a screener and it arrived in my mailbox three days after the DVD was already on the shelves at Blockbuster. Don’t make me put you on notice!

Foy on notice!

The Foywonder

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  • percepticon

    this list of shitty shark clips is hilarious:
    http://dc.decider.com/articles/sharxploitation,28003/

    someone mentioned red water should be on that list, but im trying to think of some others that she should have included…if you can think of anything else put them up on the article’s comments section so i can add to my netflix.

  • mikeshoe

    GREAT article, Foywonder. A shark, an octopus, Lorenzo Lamas AND Debbie Gibson? In 3D?!? Heck, why isn’t Danny Boyle or Chris Nolan attached to this project? I smell Oscar!!!

    Given the casting of Debbie Gibson, the film should be a musical. At key points in the story, she and Lorenzo could break out into song and deliver snappy pop-style show tunes (complete with background dancers) capsulizing whatever predicament they find themselves in. If Lamas can’t sing, then they can dub him and he can lip synch (which could be comical in itself). At the end, the meg and the ceph are persuaded not to fight and instead to save the sinking boat full of crippled orphans. The shark keeps the boat afloat while the octopus plucks the kids off and onto a rescue craft in record time. Cue show-stopping final number and roll credits.

    On a more serious note, I have a feeling you’ll be waiting a long time before the Asylum sets you up with an advance screener of one of their films. They’d have to be awfully confident about the quality of the movie in question before they took that risk. The fact that you got one three days after it hit shelves speaks volumes. Conversely, I’ll bet the guy who does reviews for Wired Magazine will not only get a pre-release copy, he’ll also be making frequent set visits and have a bit part in the film.

    Question: any idea how they’re going to do the 3D for television? Will it be via polarized lenses (if that’s possible with existing sets), or via the old red/green separation?

  • RingoJ

    I actually want to see this.

    Strange.

  • Gus Bjork

    I gotta say I can’t think of a B movie idea, casting and all, that sounds like more fun than this idea.

    But I’ve been burned to many times. Here’s the deal. I’m not seeing this, not even out of idle curiosity, unless Foy/Dread give it a decent review. Not great, not even good. Let’s say 2 knives. I urge others to do the same.

    Asylum, if you can’t manage a 2 knife review with a giant shark versus giant octopus movie starring Lorenzo Lamas and Debbie Gibson then you might as well hang it up.

    • Gus Bjork

      And it came to pass that Foy gave it a good review.

      So, Foy, did you get a screener copy directly from Asylum or was it other means?

  • Nomad

    oh how i long for a 3d movie poster for this.