DOOM ASYLUM Blu-ray Review – A Poor Attempt To Put The Laughter In Slaughter

Starring Michael Rogen, Patty Mullen, Kristin Davis, Ruth Collins

Directed by Richard Friedman

Distributed by Arrow Video


Right now, horror is having a serious affair with a former lover: the 1980s. Nostalgia porn is everywhere. Filmmakers are tripping over themselves to be the next one pumping out another rose-tinted retro romance. Most of them play like pastiche, slavishly recreating “all things ‘80s”… which is pretty much how Doom Asylum (1987) feels despite the fact it is a legit ‘80s production. All the requisite elements are turned up to 11, making for a picture so patently ‘80s it could be mistaken for a parody. It is also one of the worst attempts at making a horror-comedy I have ever come across, with wretched dialogue, worse performances, and ridiculous writing around every turn. And no, it isn’t even enjoyable in a so-undeniably-terrible-it-becomes-good kind of way; this is a poor, painful picture to watch.

After the worst recorded car crash in cinema history, lovers Mitch (Michael Rogen) and Judy (Patty Mullen) are forever torn apart when the latter dies in the aftermath. A distraught Mitch, who is banged up but by no means disfigured, “dies” after finding his lover and his body is brought to the morgue. There, the coroner is doing his duty when Mitch comes back to life and kills both the coroner and his assistant. Cut to ten years later and Mitch has become something of a local legend, said to haunt an abandoned asylum and kill intruders with autopsy tools. So, naturally, a group of ‘80s caricatures are headed there to… relax? Party? Arrive as a group and then slowly split apart only to get picked off one by one? Yea, sure, all of the above.

The “teens” – one of whom is Kristin Davis from Sex and the City (1998-2004), giving this film its only credible shred of notoriety – post up outside the asylum, drawing the ire of local noise band Tina and the Tots, led by an actress so bad everyone else looks Shakespearian by comparison. Tina’s (Ruth Collins) laugh has to be one of the most grating in film history, and she’s horribly annoying to boot. The scuffle between vandals and visitors is minor compared to what still-decaying Mitch has in store for everyone – death by autopsy tools!

Maybe part of Doom Asylum’s appeal is the inability to distinguish between unintentionally bad and purposely poor filmmaking. Given the fact almost no one outside of Kristin Davis enjoyed a career in the industry after this picture I have to assume this was a legit effort to produce a pitch black comedy. But, man, the inconsistencies here are astonishingly bad. We see Mitch’s car accident in the opening, plain as day, including his appearance post-crash; then, on the coroner’s slab Mitch suddenly looks like his bruised body was mauled by a bear, his skin crudely reapplied to his flesh in the hopes no one would notice. Why not just avoid showing the accident’s aftermath and save a plot hole? Also, how is Mitch able to take down to full-grown men when he not only shouldn’t have super strength but, if anything, he should be extremely weak?

And why doesn’t a single one of Mitch’s victims try to prevent their own death? This is another Dumb Victim movie where the killer approaches with a weapon and the person just kinda stands there, maybe shrieking, maybe feigning an escape attempt, but nobody really tries to get away unless they’re a main character who is supposed to get away.

The biggest laugh the film got out of me was when one of the “Tots” is about to head into a men’s room, thinks twice, then spray paints a line through “men’s” and tags below it “persons”. How 2018 of her. Oh, also the scene where Mitch cuts the toes off a guy’s foot one by one – mutilating what is so clearly a crappy rubber foot – is laughably bad but does provide a mild visceral impact since that shit would hurt.

But really, this film is just terrible. Part of its infamy may be thanks to fans who are able to view it ironically, acknowledging its poor quality but choosing to celebrate every failed facet of the production – and that leaves plenty to cheer. Sometimes I can roll with those punches, too, but not for this one. Doom Asylum is a film that would have won my attention and acclaim if I was still a teenager; watching it for the first time as a grown man with discerning taste was rough.

Arrow Video presents the film with an option of aspect ratios: 1.78:1 widescreen or 1.33:1 pillarboxed, both 1080p images. The full-frame option provides more picture information on the top and bottom of the frame, but cinematographer Larry Revene composed the picture with widescreen in mind and that is really the way to go here. The only caveat, as Arrow explains, is since the opening titles and film-within-the-film are both pillarboxed to reflect their original ratios. The film itself is often soft but there are many fine moments of fine definition. Colors are generally good, not great. Film grain is lively and abundant. Much of the feature takes place during the day, allowing for maximum lighting to bring out more of the picture.

An English LPCM 1.0 mono track carries the cheesy score, typical of that lo-fi ‘80s sound. The track is clean overall, with only minor hissing throughout. Mitch’s modulated voice is kinda neat, I guess. The Foley effects are awful, though, as is the first pantomime performance by Tina and the Tots. Listen to the music, watch what the girls are doing, and try to figure out how anyone thought the two made sense. Subtitles are available in English SDH.

There are two audio commentary tracks; the first, with Screenwriter Rick Marx; the second, with The Hysteria Continues.

Tina’s Terror is a thorough chat with Ruth Collins, who is far more palatable here than in the film.

Movie Madhouse is an interview with Director of Photography Larry Revene.

Morgues & Mayhem features Special Effects Artist Vincent Guastini, who breaks down the film’s many practical effects gags.

Archival Interviews give a little face time to Executive Producer Alexander W. Kagan, Jr., Director Richard Friedman, and Production Manager Bill Tasgal.

A stills gallery is also included.

Special Features:

  • Brand new 2K restoration from the original camera negative
  • High Definition Blu-ray (1080p) presentation
  • 1.85:1 and 1.33:1 versions of the feature
  • Original uncompressed PCM mono audio
  • Optional English subtitles for the deaf and hard of hearing
  • Brand new audio commentary with screenwriter Rick Marx
  • Brand new audio commentary with The Hysteria Continues
  • Tina’s Terror – a brand new interview with actress Ruth Collins
  • Movie Madhouse – a brand new interview with director of photography
  • Larry Revene Morgues & Mayhem – a brand new interview with special make-up effects creator Vincent J. Guastini
  • Archival Interviews with producer Alexander W. Kogan, Jr., director Richard Friedman and production manager Bill Tasgal
  • Still Gallery
  • Reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Justin Osbourne
  • FIRST PRESSING ONLY: Fully-illustrated collector’s booklet featuring new writing by Amanda Reyes
  • Doom Asylum
  • Special Features
2.0

Summary

Just terrible. Fans will no doubt be thrilled with Arrow’s release, which is far better than this turkey deserves, but those who usually jump at all things ’80s horror… maybe give this one a rental first because it’s nowhere near as rad as the cover art suggests.

Sending
User Rating 3 (2 votes)
Share: 
Tags:

Categorized:

Sign up for The Harbinger a Dread Central Newsletter