Temple (2017)
Matt Boiselle
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Starring Logan Huffman, Natalia Warner, Brandon Tyler Sklenar
Directed by Michael Barrett
I, for one like a chilling, plodding horror film that takes a bit of time to ramp up, eventually dragging us down that pathway towards a finale that will inevitably make those little hairs on your arms stand up…if you have hairy arms, that is. But what really gets my goat is a presentation that leads us along on a mundane, uninspired jaunt, and slamming on the brakes once the sign up ahead reads “next exit, snooze-town.” Let’s all hop in this jalopy and Fred Flintstone it on over to the Temple.
Directed by Michael Barrett, the story follows three American tourists on a trip to Japan, who end up in a bookstore where inside a bound bit of archaic literature contains a mysterious map. Turns out that this particular piece of topographical information reveals the location of an ancient temple that may (or may not be) the end destination for many missing children over the years. So, the trio stuffs their backpacks, readies their cameras, and sets off to see what their inquisitive, yet prying eyes can discover. What we as an audience discover however is a whole lot of wasted time and energy as the remainder of the movie acts as a flashback vehicle, and the lame-duck threesome doesn’t even locate the aforementioned temple until damn near the end of the film.
The fact that this movie came to some form of half-assed conclusion was as satisfying as a five-course meal cooked up by a world-renowned chef, stuffed into your piehole at an excruciatingly slow pace, and just when you think you can’t ingest another bite…said chef wallops you in your gut with a rolling pin, forcefully removing all evidence of the meal from your system. There’s a little bit of a backstory to our band of travelers, but it pales in comparison to the banal, laborious and uneventful display that unfolds in front of the viewers who brave to watch it. Simon Barratt, who penned the films You’re Next and Blair Witch, looked as if he dropped the ink-stick here and left the remainder of the work to the auto-pen to do the dirty deeds. All in all, Temple is one of those films that could play in the background while you’re doing your taxes, or painting the guest room, or just need a nice, relaxing movie that’ll help you get some shut-eye. Bypass this one and do yourself a huge favor in the short-term.
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Film
Categorized:Reviews
