Caretakers, The (2015)
Matt Boiselle
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Starring Nick Faust, Michael Coon, Brittney Saylor
Directed by Steve Hudgins
Maybe…just MAYBE if those sparkly wimps in that lamer than lame Twilight movie series had half as much girth in the testicular department as the bloodsuckers in Steve Hudgins’s The Caretakers, then perhaps it would have gained my respect – but then again, this film left a lot to be desired as well, but at least it wasn’t Twilight (self high-five)!
The aspect on display here is the subject of love, and how far someone would go in order to help the one they love survive, even if they were afflicted by the dreaded Dracula’s curse – in this case, the two lovebirds in question are Jimmy (Coon) and his girlfriend, Rachel (Saylor) – the poor, afflicted, bloodthirsty nightcrawler. Her sickness has manifested to the point where Jimmy needs to duct-tape her to the bed when she gets the urge to feed, and Jimmy’s course of action is to murder innocents and test their blood afterwards to see if it’s compatible with his love’s hunger.
As the days pass by, her appetite grows larger and more voracious, leaving Jimmy no choice but to kill more and more, most times with no luck in his frantic search to find Rachel some sustenance. The rescue of his girlfriend from a vampire’s dungeon has left them both out of luck, options, and now precious time.
Flip the other side of the film’s storyline, and we follow Jack (Faust), who is the caretaker for Catherine (April Jennings), another creature of the night and former captor of Rachel – getting the connection now? Jack takes on the responsibility of sheltering a couple of wayward souls: Scott (Kenneth Root) and his daughter, Jody (Lucy Turner), who were once potential victims of a lunatic before he was dispatched by Catherine. Jack’s main motivation these days is to escape his life of taking care of these bloodsuckers and live out the remainder of his existence in the company of a waitress he fancies, but we all know that isn’t going to go off without a hitch, don’t we? Even Rachel’s dad (Bill Johnston, aka Leatherface from TCM Part 2) gets in on the action, as he hires a trio of vampire hunters to not only execute those posing a threat to his daughter, but rescue her and bring her home – jeez, this thing plays out like a damn soap opera!
The idea of a bunch of vampire hunters and on the run nightstalkers sounds like a helluva lot of fun, but this film simply couldn’t escape the lower gears, and aside from Jimmy’s relentless mini-killing spree, I couldn’t hold much more interest in the product. You get the feeling as if all of the undead plasma-slurpers here were helpless victims themselves at one time or another, and to me, it just plays down to yet another sub-storyline of an already exhausted vampire genre. That’s not to say that all of the performances were wasted – Coon and Saylor are admirable as the tortured couple in love, and even Joe Estevez (brother of Martin Sheen) is enjoyable in a somewhat cameo-like role as one of the weathered vampire-slayers.
In the end of things, I could only offer The Caretakers up to those who like their bloodsucking films to view the other side of things, and not focus too terribly heavily on the actions of the undead, but those who provide assistance to them – hey, if you dig that sort of thing, then by all means, jump in with fangs out. Otherwise, skip this one and do Max Schreck proud – watch the original Nosferatu, and see what it was like to scare the crap out of people in black and white.
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Film
Categorized:Reviews
