“Guns” is the theme song to a film of the same name about Playboy Playmates battling international terrorists. Cynthia Brimhall's measurements are listed as 36-25-36 so it is safe to say everything about this weekend's B-Sides is truly "B" except for her bra size.
I can’t think of a more fitting B-Sides to run on the weekend that sees the release of another big budget horror comedy based on a 1960’s half-hour program about a ghoulish family living in a Gothic manner than this weekend’s musical selection.
You are not drunk and you are not high. Well, maybe you are right now. Not like I’m peeping in your windows. What you are about to witness is not a chemical-induced hallucination. A skunk really does sing a love song to a parrot, and it's not a cartoon either.
Twenty years before Twilight there was another teen movie built around a love triangle involving a vampire and a non-vampire fighting over a naive virgin. It was called Once Bitten and starred a newcomer named Jim Carrey. Unlike Twilight it was a comedy on purpose.
I must confess that I have never seen the movie Raiders of the Living Dead. I don’t recall even knowing such a movie existed until I stumbled upon the opening credits song by accident. One listen, and you’ll understand why I realized that song was an instant B-Sides.
”Is there a phantom in the mall? Or just some retard in a broken hockey mask?" With lyrics like that there should be no doubt why The Vandals’ daffy Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge theme is one of the all-time great B-Sides.
I don’t know what the hell Shooting Star’s “Touch Me Tonight” has to do with Dolph Lundgren fighting a drug dealer from outer space that fires killer CDs from its wrists, but since it plays over the closing credits of I Come in Peace and I Come in Peace is one of the all-time great b-movies...
The working title for Slaughter High was April Fool’s Day. Too bad another slasher entitled April’s Fool’s Day was already on the way. Producers were forced to change their title to Slaughter High; yet, the thematic “April Fool’s Day” song remained. Thank goodness.
Earth is attacked by a giant space monster. Good aliens trying to save us from this city-smashing behemoth decide only the most average man on Earth can stop it. A holographic space girl two inches high appears in a postal worker’s kitchen to recruit him to save the human race. Thus begins the ballad of Zarkorr! The Invader.
Saturday is traditionally the day B-Sides is posted. This Saturday happens to be St. Patrick’s Day. A column showcasing b-movie music and a holiday celebrating all things Irish. You know what that means? Of course you know what that means. Yo, Warwick Davis, put on your Leprechaun gear and lay down some mad lyrics.
This weekend’s B-Sides is just plain strange. If you’ve ever seen the 1989 intergalactic man vs. monsters Rocky riff Arena, then you know all about “I Love the Barbarian” and know exactly why I describe it as just plain strange.
If you remember the movie Neon Maniacs, congratulations, you actually remember the movie Neon Maniacs. I’m getting obscure with this week’s B-Sides, so obscure even finding a copy of this tune anywhere is nearly impossible.
Sherman Hemsley decided after a decade starring as iconic loudmouth George Jefferson on “The Jeffersons” that it was time to take a shot at big screen superstardom. Not only did he star in and croon the theme song to the 1987 comedy Ghost Fever, he also funded the film out of his own pocket, eventually bankrupting him.
At long last! Jon Mikl Thor makes his first - and certainly not last - appearance in the B-Sides. If you’ve ever seen Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare, then you know what is coming. Prepare to have your ears blasted and your mind blown. Do you accept the challenge?
B-Sides is typically a weekend column, but I couldn’t let Valentine’s Day slide without presenting the greatest Valentine horror B-Sides of all. If you haven’t already guessed “The Ballad of Harry Warden” from the original My Bloody Valentine, then you more than anyone else need to read on.