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B-Sides: 2012 Was a Time for Miracles

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So now that 2013 is upon us and all the Mayan doomsday nonsense of 2012 can be tossed into the same landfill with the bygone Y2K doomsday conspiracies, Roland Emmerich’s magnum opus 2012 can officially be labeled a comedy. I consider that reason enough to sing.

Ever since viewing 2012, I have remained stalwart in my belief that Roland Emmerich’s entire life and career had been building to this one insane orgy of apocalyptic disaster porn. If it doesn’t erupt, it crumbles. If it doesn’t crumble, it explodes. It if doesn’t explode, it gets washed away. Planet Earth becomes one great big fire sale – everything must go (down, preferably in flames)! All of it brought to you with the usual Emmerich logic-defying science, half-baked melodrama, overwrought reaction shots, eye-rolling dialogue, and bipolar politics (Government conspiracies – BOO! Only government conspirators can save us – YAY!)

Hollywood still seems to be interested in making disaster flicks, though I don’t know why. They should just retire the entire disaster movie genre’s jersey after this one because there’s nothing left other than to destroy the entire planet outright. Hang good ol’ #2012 from the rafters because there will never be another big screen Armageddon like it.

Or will there?

Hmmm…

  • Directed by a filmmaker most famous for making disaster flicks…
  • Based on a speculative catastrophe many believe could happen but is highly improbable…
  • Ridiculously over-the-top mayhem caused by said disaster…
  • Talented actors saddled with howlingly bad dialogue…
  • Scenarios that became increasingly preposterous…
  • Needless side characters further bloating the melodrama…
  • Excessive running time…
  • Guaranteed to be the source of much ridicule for generations to come…

    I do believe an argument could be made that 2012 is this generation’s The Swarm. Many have referred to Roland Emmerich as this generation’s Irwin Allen so that would make perfect sense.

    One thing Allen’s killer bee bomb didn’t have that Emmerich’s end-of-the-world epic did is a theme song and music video as overly dramatic as the film it serenades.

    Enter “American Idol” runner-up Adam Lambert to put the “emo” in “emoting” as he pours his heart out singing “Time for Miracles”. This is a movie theme song so overblown it feels like it was conceived for the sole purpose of garnering a Best Song Oscar nomination. It didn’t.

    B-Sides: 2012 Was a Time for Miracles

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  • Foywonder