B-Sides: Beastmaster 2 Rocks Los Angeles

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Like a mentally handicapped remake of Dolph Lundgren’s Masters of the Universe, Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time sent a half-naked fantasy adventurer to modern-day Earth to defeat the forces of evil and bring back to his tribal people the greatest magical force in the universe: rock ‘n roll.

Nearly a decade after the release of the Don Coscarelli-directed cult favorite Beastmaster Marc Singer once again donned his loin cloth and bitchin’ mullet to return to the role of Dar, the Dr. Doolittle of barbarians, for a sequel with its tongue planted so firmly in cheek it often came close to choking to death on that tongue. The more sitcom than fantasy adventure sequel saw Dar and his animal sidekicks dimensional traveling to 1991 Los Angeles to save a spoiled party girl from an overacting warlock searching our world for a thermonuclear paint can.

Most importantly, Dar learns the power of rock music, and that’s something that could come in really handy for a barbarian who’s kinda like the lovechild of Siegfried & Roy and John Mikl Thor.

The signature track to Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time was provided by Bill Wray, a singer-composer who worked with artists ranging from Diana Ross to Trixter and whose music has appeared in such other action B-movies as Navy Seals and Lionheart. Something tells me this won’t be Bill Wray’s only B-Sides appearance.

A cheesy movie deserves a cheesy signature song, and “I Will Be Your Hero” is so Eighties feel-good cheesy, it’s hard to believe it wasn’t used in the soundtrack of one of the many Karate Kid knock-offs of the day.

From the what-were-they-thinking motion picture Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time, here’s the otherwise unreleased Bill Wray number “I Will Be Your Hero”.

B-Sides: Beastmaster 2 Rocks Los Angeles

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